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In Our Garden. After the War. Your Eyes Close. I Breathe Out.

by Ava Marie

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1.
the morning was an open wound and your belongings scattered all down the road like the empty frames of dead deer buildings burning inside your throat forever's not made up of flesh and bone its the iron hull of a landlocked boat rinse, rust, thin, and fray no black dress just bark bits and a few feet of clay heave a satchel of seeds wait til the first week of may dig up the roots and i will know you again and you were the ash of a house fire smothered by dirt tilled til the rows of mounded earth sprouted pine from your sleeping limbs and on the day i am born blissful and blithe to a gardener and his wife you block the sun from my eyes ribbons of ivy sky closes the shutter snaps and retains the deep blues and pale golds and the great seas of grey and it washes us clean til all that remains are two silhouettes atop a great plot of clay
2.
before you were born you were the keeper of crippled horses before water you were an arrow in a wounded knee before we shared a limb you were severed from another and when that sore spreads to a wound you will be cut from me do not look for me in groves of bearing loam and tangerine or in the sun soaked oaken halls of a vernal nursery i'll be that moth caught in your screen door i'll be the rotting rowboat your harboring i'll be that floral box in the attic filled with all your withered weathered things and though the temperature is dropping and we've changed the tense when we speak an empty locket a few torn garments are all thats become of me and before you were held you were an absence filling more space than bodies a phantom limb cut from plant matter you were a well carved in the conduit of my throat and as the spade struck i sang out with each harrowing note a black wing torn from dusk born from the loss of soil eroding back into skin you were absence you were held you were absence you were held
3.
your father passed down his ledger and left you his name and in the eve we are but passengers in passing cars fleeing brush fires and the thick blooded heat flooded your checks bold as moss along interstate 5 and you cursed sure as sweat when you unbuttoned your dress and fell asleep in the backseat on the passenger side said i know your face but remind me of your name its been a long, long time and what of the broken bronze mirror you found in the creek bed when you were a boy and what of the highways when it rains and what of the stranger speaking sternly at the head of the table what of letters with improper postage they are alive the same way that i am when all i can hear are bowed ships cradling
4.
White Twine 05:43
when your stomach swelled wolves circled the stable snow spun round fences like a spool of white twine when the pipes froze and you cried in the kitchen cradling shadows like a fixture of light and in the morn red and gracious a maze of limb nodes woven like a nest when your stomach swelled tall grass burned acres severance is a season not a stone nor a mound the hives fell to a hush and all the fields filled with poppies and our lungs filled with honey and spring seeped out our mouths and the telephones ringing but we don't live there anymore please wake up you kiss my head pack your things make your bed grab your coat, the front yards under water and you wade through the tall grass out onto the road and get left alone and the brine it sings and the gulls they moan and get left alone and the bed you branded and the house you stole they are left alone water becomes of you branch to bone your eyes close your eyes close
5.
Oh how the days are long now And we sleep beneath sparsely thatched reeds And your bones reminded me Of something my grandfather might of sung At an old oak piano Soft and grey Salt stained keys I heard the faintest cry From the whimpering brine As you called for your lost daughter And all the heavy machines Plead oh save but for me When I am weak will you carry my bones To a familiar ending Or at least a dry place
6.
And if in time The gathering moss should envelope our home Oh stillborn seed and its husk you now hold I would still walk the miles to gather water And if during the night You are stirred by an entanglement of shadow and vine And our vessels left empty, broken, and blithe I would not weep For you will stay the tired eyed girl in a hospital gown Snow faced in the shadow of a church tower In an old port town And though the night is dark and disparate It howls harsh notes of may Oh great loom of loam be so still I would gnaw at your heathers until I am found by your hands Or by a colony of soft and patient clay And there is no telling But for a house by a harbor Our flashlights dim across the pale water Burnt reeds in the current We spoke of frail things There is no telling beyond here
7.
forget me and the hull that was burning and the hum of aeroplanes as they sank from view and that damp dark place it takes and takes and takes oh why did i lay so still salt steam and our bodies as newborns as i recall them i want to stand where your mother stood before she walked outside and was claimed like a moth by a porch light now she hangs up when you say "hello, hello?" and your name i wont recall but the earth was damp and soft as we lay down, down and you dreamt of broken teeth and a brother lost in breach now he draws shadows across your brow and you close the door run the water and keep the lights low all is just as it should be hush, dusk dwells in corners and wolves wait in thickets blurring into blankets sleeping faces and the fragile framework of yesteryear and the weight of a ghostown bleeding shingles and worn paint and a note pinned to the wall by the doorway that read we are never coming home again close the door and run the water all is just as it should be
8.
I broke both your fathers hands and washed your wounds and garments stole off with a herd of mares and burnt his crop and harvest and when you came to you were smiling and said you dreamt of honey suckle rows and brimming shoals of salt air and bent book bindings you are temporal and still as the fossett sputters and fills the kitchen sink in a house you can't recall scrape the blood off of your knee the sky was empty we spoke sternly constellations never leave me again you were just a baby and our backs bridged over and the roof caved in and we stood there arms extended and neither spoke we just gawked and moaned for the night sky offered only blackness you are the lucid host of an uninhabited land skin the color of moths upon moon kissed glass and your name was the song of cicadas and i called you in the evenings in first breaths of spring every 13 years for a season and the waters still running and a woman sings soft theres a warmth and a whirring as she wraps you in cloth then you notice shes crying but shes laughing it off shes says sweetheart im sorry she is here then shes gone
9.
today i found you breathing 3000 miles away you stole a car and cut your hair short and drove out to bristol bay there was canvas stretched and ready and you danced lilac over azure and slate if at all Id paint the night sky across the features of your face but my hands were made null and feeble from wintered wood and infertile clay instead im dragging reeds across the pavement in celebration of our bodies bleeding out on the highway im holding flint and tinder hoping that the frost finally melts away id keep you if i could keep you warm Ink, salt, silence, lead me to the harbor and i will come knocking in the months around the cold holidays fever, sap, skin i know you like the moan of heat pipes and your first word was your mothers maiden name
10.
With broken feet The day still mourning The braying calf you left tied to my post And I wept for her And the mound she was fated And for your silence as you heaved with sore palms spade in hand And I dreamt of the scattered parchment And the cradle that it claimed Alma, wont you come in from the cold? And I woke to the cry of gulls And the floorboards splintering And through the smoke and soot I shivered with a whisper like ice growing over a window pane And beneath our bed where our daughter hid Reciting take my song but leave my frame It’ll be found by the morn scarlet adorned And they will need something to bury beside the white birch That covers this coast and the pillars and bones That lie collapsed upon this bed of burnt earth And after the war and the funeral And after a day of argument and reunion They will need a garden to tend And a body to mend And last of all someone to yearn for When the night is still and full of harvest They will need a name to beckon
11.
Fluttering eye lids against damp bed sheets When I breathe in you exhale with a murmur It means your absence it means a sickness stirring Like timid ghosts from the rafters of a sunken boat house It means black ships And fistfuls of hair It means a feverish daughter Clawing for a blanket that just isn’t there It means your breath Haunting the corners of a mirror In the oil soaked frame Of our sorry dwelling we held so dear And if i were to bury my head In the cold sea Beneath the driftwood and brine Would you be waiting Like a stone mill In a white field Stale loaves and draws full of ash And when you breathe in The world is held together by patchwork and loose bits of fishing line And when you exhale I am coming up for air and rowing home for the first time Oh crow oh Yule how you’ve waned my dear The bats return to rouse in your silvered hollow And there is a hum and a whirring And a loneliness in your footprints from our sill To where I dare not follow And there are bones beneath the floorboards And thorns in the doorway And in the attic a potters wheel unbound But here beneath the blankets Before all, after the great war Your eyes close and I breathe out

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released June 13, 2014

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Ava Marie Poultney, Vermont

5 piece Indie from central//western Vermont. Collections of songs constructed from the memorable remnants of reoccurring dreams, and early childhood.

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